the white and the lines

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

My memory is cruel
I'm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn I'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only I had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought I thought I was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So I've learned to listen through silence

***

[March]

me : I guess I ain't ready to fall in love with anybody right now.

him : how could you say that?

me : I don't know. I'm still collecting my heart's pieces.

him : you know what, when you say you're not ready that means you're ready enough for it.

me : am I?

.. then you let me to fall and hurt. you know you've made a big mistake.

***

[April]

him : come on darl, you shouldn't judge people just by one side. 

          try to look over their positive side!

me : there are so many guys have been hurt me and I forgive them all. 

         only if you were nobody.

         if I were nobody.

         and then we met, it will not happen this way !

         I do regret ever going out with him. I do.

him : STOP ! do not ever talk about this anymore.

.. even we stop talking about it, just like a ghost, it keep haunts me.

***

[May]

.. silly conversations about you belong with me and so whatever.

in rush or lust? I'm not sure, maybe both. As long as yours and mine are stick together.

***

[June]

hims : why you can't wait for a couple of time and make it clean?

me : it will be the same.

hims : no, it won't. trust me.

me : ... 

.. how can I ever trust you again? you will never know how you've bring me down when you think time would erase my pain, just to know that you're back with the girl you have sworn that you'll never going out with again, but I can't tell you. Time will never heal the scar, for me, someone else would do.

***

[July]

him : while you're here. I'd like you to meet my friend. she lives near here.

         I promise to visit her this week.

me : oh yeah? I would like to.

.. now I'm glad that I never see her. if it just your tricks to show me that you already close with her, just like you did to your ex before me. Correct me if I am wrong, my instinct just told me that way. But I keep silent until today.

***

I would go back to last year and make it alright, never let this foolish games happen,

never cross the line.

but I can't.

Now all that I can do is I won't let my self to go further where I belong. Because you and me always between the lines. 

And it means forever.

***

Last, I'm so sorry for making such a huge trouble to your life.

I hope this would get us wiser than before.

***

Kalaulah kita memiliki lidah yang tak pelit meminta maaf, maka sungguh indah kehidupan ini. Tak perlu lagi kita saling menarik urat leher, mencari kesalahan orang lain, karena bukankah manusia adalah biang nya segala kesalahan. Apalagi kalau permintaan dan pemberian maaf itu disertai dengan hati yang tulus dan ikhlas, maka tak perlu lagi kta membalas menjelek-jelekkan saudara kita yang sedang khilaf atau lalai. Bukankah ALLAH TA'ALA telah berfirman,"Jika kamu melahirkan suatu kebaikkan atau menyembunyikan atau memaafkan suatu kesalahan orang lain,maka sesungguhnya ALLAH Maha Pemaaf lagi Maha Kuasa."{An-Nisaa:149}.*

*from Maaf itu Indah.

Happy Eid Mubarak